Things I Really Hate

We have so much technology.  We can see inside you to watch your heart beating.  We can film your unborn baby in 3d.  We can send a probe to the bottom of the ocean and outside our own solar system.  We have scientists working on teleporting things. 

And yet the best answer anyone has for a menstrual period is to give you a pad that twists around, leaks, and sticks to your butt.  If you’re really having a bad day, it sticks to your shoe on the way out of the restroom.  If it’s really not your day, some handy toddler points and asks loudly, “Hey, LADEEE, what’s that on your shoe???”  And frankly, in this Texas heat, having your lady bits wrapped in plastic just isn’t that comfortable. 

The other answer involves birth control to make our periods lighter and shorter.  So, lets review the choices there.  I can take the same hormones they give beef cattle to fatten them up. Great.  I’m shopping at the 5-7-9 store one day.  Take the pills and next thing you know, I’m headed to Dress Barn for a new wardrobe.  A few months after that, I’m appearing in a Chick Fil-A commercial – AS ONE OF THE COWS.   Or I can get an IUD and shove what amounts to a plastic cork into the works.  God, I hope that doesn’t pop like the thing on the turkey.  I can see it now.  OMG, my boyfriend thinks I’m done…. 

You know, it’s not like women started having periods last week or something.  We’ve been doing this for a long as there have been females.  It’s not new.  There has to be a better way.  We use breathable fabrics in rain gear.  There are all sorts of ultra-absorbent things around.