More Questions for the Universe

In previous editions of “Questions for the Universe”, we’ve asked things like why men consider ballet gay but not football and why, with the technology to go to the moon, they can’t create a pad that doesn’t stick to my a$$…

Now for the new questions…

  1. If being vegan is so awesome, why do they have fake meat products?  Tofu turkey?  Vegan sausage?
  2. Why do handicapped people drive slow?  Is their car handicapped too???  Don’t believe me?  Check for that next time you’re behind someone going really slow….
  3. Why is the handicapped parking at the front of the store and the handicapped bathroom stall all the way in the back?
  4. How come handicapped people get to say that they’re just like the rest of us… I know you’ve all heard the “handicapable” spiel…   And yet they want to go to the head of the line (literally), get special parking, special motorized carts, special seats on public transit, special tax deductions, special consideration for government contracts, and lot of other “special” stuff?  So my question is this – which is it?  Are you handicapped and in need of special assistance?  Or are you actually able to participate in regular activities and just using your handicap as an excuse be a lazy candya$$?
  5. And while we’re on the subject of handicapped stuff, since when did being a 497 pound whompa$$ qualify as a handicap?  If that’s really your handicap, I have a cure….  Why not have special “blimp” parking in the back of the lot?  Surely a bit of exercise would do these folks some good….
  6. How come there’s a tax on cigarettes “because they’re unhealthy” and “because they run up large medical bills” but there’s not a similar tax on that Big Mac and Fatty Fries?  Sausage McMuffin – 370 calories , 200 of which are from fat – more than 50%.  Hazelnut Latte – 280 calories – 70 from fat.  That’s 650 calories for breakfast.  Big Mac – 540 calories and 50% of those are from fat.  Large Fry – 500 calories, 220 of which are from fat – nearly 50%.  And that’s only lunch at 1140 calories with a total of 1790 for the day out of 2000 total.    That leaves you 210 calories for the rest of the day – that’s less than the Hazelnut Latte. And dietary fat intake of 50% when it should be 20%.  Obesity causes cancer too, you know. 

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