New Human Warning Labels

Some of you might recall my old post about Human Warning Labels…  Well thanks to spokenfor, I’ve decided that my list needs updating  (You can read his blog here).  Many of our products in the age of easy law suits come with really retarded warning labels.  But that is the subject of another blog post.  Today, we’re discussing what warning labels HUMAN’s should have. 

I think they should be tattoed on the forehead in 2″ letters, but I’m open to suggestions….

The Original List (so you don’t have to go look it up)

  1. Warning – Instant A&&hole – Just Add Alcohol
  2. Warning – Poster Child for Birth Control
  3. Warning – Cannot Find Home without Map
  4. Warning – Free Guilt Trip Included
  5. Warning – Do Not Resuscitate
  6. Warning – Not Safe Around Pets
  7. Warning – Not Fit for Human Consumption

#1 fits a fairly high percentage of the population.  For some reason, these perfectly nice normal people loose their damn minds about 3 or 4 beers into their Friday night.  #2 is included here since it applies to an exboyfriend.  It’s a long story that ends up with him setting my car on fire ON MY BIRTHDAY.  #3 is for my mother and my husband who both have the same sense of direction as a hula hoop.  #4 is totally there for my mom.  #5 goes with #2, in more ways than one.  #6 applies to many small children.  #7 is for another family member. 
The New Additions

  1. Warning – Rude Bastard
  2. Warning – Hazardous Waste
  3. Warning – Slippery When Wet

#1 is for spokenfor and I totally agree.  However, having been a waitress when I get a waiter/waitress that sucks, I’m not afraid to tell them either.  The service people are not entirely blameless, you know.  #2 is for those toxic people in your life.  You know who they are and most everyone has at least one.  #3 – Well, I guess internal dialog became exteral.  *Sigh*  That’s the problem with letting your fingers run wild 🙂


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