How do you deal with unpleasant neighbors?

Speaking as THE ONE AND ONLY QUEEN BITCH OF THE UNIVERSE:

I deal with unpleasant neighbors by proving to them that I can be far more unpleasant than they can.  I’ve found that the good old fashioned object lesson is far more useful than pleas that fall on deaf ears.  See, I have this theory.  People act like assholes because it’s illegal to smack the living shit out of them.  They think they can get away with it.   And they often do until they run into me. *Smirk*

I will tell you about my latest experience with some unpleasant neighbors.  They always have loud parties every single weekend and I don’t usually mind too much. When we first moved in to our new house, we made a point of going to meet the new neighbors then.  We weren’t particularly overwhelmed by them then.

However, three of their parties ago, my husband left to attend a function.  I wasn’t feeling well so I stayed home.  One of their party goers comes over, rings my doorbell, and has the nerve to say, “Hey, baby…. Your husband isn’t home.  Why don’t you come over and join the party?”  Grrrrrrr………

Their last party was conducted in the front yard.  It involved some amplifiers and the worst Tejano band I’ve ever heard in my life playing until about 2:30 AM.  For those of you that know me, you know I hate Tejano.  I hate Tejano because it sounds like polka.  And I despise polka.  WTF???  Lawence Welk is DEAD!!!!  Even more annoying was how really indescribably horrible the band is.  I’m a classically trained musician.  While I might not like some styles of music, I can at least appreciate technical ability.  They didn’t have that either.  I don’t think that all of the band members were playing the same song at the same time.  Nor were the band members playing at the same tempo or in teh same key.  Yet all of this is being piped through amplifiers, which makes it sound soooo much better.  It’s so loud that I can’t get away from it anywhere in my house.  GAHHH!!!!  I AM IN HELLLL!!!!

Their payback is coming….  They’re Catholic.  I own real PA cabinets (4′ tall x 4′ long x 2′ deep and cabinets as in plural) along with the gear to drive them – at full volume.  Not some wimpy little Marshall amps that you could tuck under your arm and carry around.  I’ve been gathering a nice selection of the most offensive music I can manage.  One song is titled “The Virgin Mary is a Whore”.   Another is “The Devil Does Drugs”.  I wonder how they’ll like it when I drag out the PA cabinets and start blasting that at 4:30 in the morning after their next drunk fest. 

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6 thoughts on “How do you deal with unpleasant neighbors?

  1. The neighbors in the apartment next to mine often like to have long sessions of bed boards banging against the wall that separates us. I am currently plotting how to get my revenge.

  2. Dear Morrighu,
    They won’t care. That’s what’s so damn miserable about it. I remember once driving around to the street in back of us ( a cul de sac butted up against the back yard wall of our house) to tell a “neighbor” who was moving in to a house to turn her car stereo down cause it was bothering me while I tried to sleep. (I go to bed at about 7pm  and get up at 3am) She turned it down. Thankfully.
    Thank you for visiting my blog, and for leaving a comment.
    Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool

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