Pooper Scoopers

Ok, here’s the deal.  You, dear doggie owner, are the one who decided that you simply had to have Muffy.  Now that you own Muffy, you’ve discovered the single most unpleasant routine task associated with doggie ownership. 

Dogs poop! 

Rather than clean up after Muffy, you’d rather walk Muffy and let her poop at someone else’s house. 

Let me tell you, that royally f*&%$#@! sucks!  I go out in the morning and what’s in my yard…a nice heaping, steaming reminder that you and Muffy have paid me a visit.  AGAIN.

Let me explain to you why this makes me really angry:

  1. Muffy isn’t my dog.  If she were, odds are that your evil little mutt wouldn’t be alive for long.  I don’t tolerate biting dogs. 
  2. It’s *MY* yard – not Muffy’s f*&%$#@! toilet. 
  3. I like my landscaping and I’m tired of Muffy screwing with it.  It means at least as much to me as your f*&%$#@! dog does to you.  Maybe more, since I actually put effort and work into my landscape, whereas you put nothing but food into your dog. 
  4. You need to clean up after your own pet.  It’s your dog and that makes it your mess.  Your momma don’t live here.
  5. I’m really sick of finding Muffy’s f*&%$#@! “presents” the hard way.  Worse yet, I don’t know if you worm your dog or not, or if your dog has had it’s shots.  If I catch ANYTHING from Muffy, I’m suing your ass off.
  6. How would you like it if you woke up, grabbed a cup of coffee and found some homeless guy taking a crap on your lawn?  Because, I gotta tell ya, if Muffy shows up just ONE more time, I’m going to pay a homeless guy to shit in your yard every morning.  We’ll see how *you* like it.