So many blog entries, so little time

To the hag in the white car that almost ran off the road last night:

I did not get your license plate # as I was busy avoiding your ignorant a$$.  Please, if you’re going to watch video of your grand kid on your cell phone, do that crap at home.  Driving down the highway at 50 MPH is not the place to watch videos of your grandkids.  If I see you doing it again,  the first thing I’m going to do will likely involve leaving you in a state in which there is an antenna protruding from your a$$.  Since your head is already up there, you should still be able to watch your videos.  If I see it again, I will get your license plate # and see what can be done about having your license revoked.  You are obviously too old to be driving if you think, even for a moment, that this is a good idea. 

To the black gal in the blue car that swerved into my lane today:

I didn’t your license plate # either but, damn sister.  You cannot keep driving straight on a road that curves.   Unfortunately the curve put you into my lane and pushed me over into another lane. Let me explain this to you – lanes are one per customer.  Rest assured that if I have a choice between letting you hit me, or running into someone else – your nappy headed a$$ with the fake plastic weave is toast, ok?  I don’t know how well your blue ford sedan with the unibody will hold up to an impact with my RanchHand mounted on to a 5000 lb pickup with a real frame, but I’m guessing that, laws of physics being what they are and all, you’re not walking away from that one.   I don’t care if you do have air bags.  Although, it seems that your brain was replaced with one, so you might not have a loss in cognitive function.  I don’t know what you were screwing around with but the radio/CD seems likely.  What ever it is, I’m sooooo sure that it is far more important than your ability to reach your destination in one piece.