Dumbass Deluxe

Today kids, we’re going to talk about a grade A moron.  We’ll call this utter in-DUH-vidual Lisa.  Lisa likes to ride bicycles.  Lisa also likes to drink a lot.  When asked why she likes to drink, her stock answer is that she’s single so why not, since she has nothing better to do.  Now, check me on this, but who wants to be married to an alcoholic idiot?  Here’s the deal Lisa, if you would work on yourself a bit, you might not be a single alcohol looser.  Someone might just like you enough to want to hang around. 
Now, that’s not the end of story.  We’re just getting to the part about the bicycle I mentioned earlier.  It seems that Lisa was out riding and got hit by a car.  In true hardcore alcoholic fashion, rather than going to an ER somewhere, Lisa staggers off to the bar.  After a couple of days of self medicating with NSAID’s, vodka and tequila, Lisa staggers into the ER.  Now in case you don’t know this, but you should never mix asprin, Alleve, or Motrin with booze.  You can quite literally kill your liver.  Not only has she been doing this at high dosage, she’s been doing it for a few days non-stop.  She ends up in the hospital with a punctured lung and several broken ribs, one of which was crushed completely.

I don’t know if any of you have ever had a broken rib or not.  I’ve had several.   It’s not pleasant at all.  Every time you inhale it feels like someone is stabbing you.  One can only imagine how much of this potentially lethal cocktail she’s sucked down.  Now, this dufus spends her time in the hospital and then proceeds to wheedle the doctors into letting her go home early because she’s not sleeping well.  Now that she’s at home, she’s packing her pain meds down with Bud and Cuervo.  We’re thinking that she’s not going to be long for this world. 

And she wonders why she’s alone….  Can you imagine being with someone who is so utterly irresponsible with their own welfare much less anything else?