Keeping your wife happy

I’m writing this for the benefit of men everywhere.  Perhaps you’ll read this and spend less time on the sofa.  There some things you that just should not do or say to your wife.  There are also some things you should do and say. 

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO

  1. If your wife likes coffee, wake her up with a cup full in hand. 
  2. Pay attention to what your wife wears and compliment her new outfits.
  3. Learn to locate the laundry hamper and put your clothes in it.
  4. If you have a wrapper from something, put it in the trash.
  5. Locate and learn to operate the dishwasher on occasion.  You might also try learning to unload it.  The same thing goes for the washing machine and dryer. 
  6. Please practice good personal hygiene.
  7. Try to help your wife keep your kitchen and bathroom cleaner than the local truck stop. 
  8. You should always ask your wife to dance.  As a clue for you men, dancing is more about seduction than music.
  9. Find a bathroom and use it.

THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER ATTEMPT

  1. If you bring your wife some coffee, don’t drink out of it before you hand it to her. 
  2. Never tell her it makes her look fat. 
  3. Please don’t leave your dirty clothes around for someone else to pick up.
  4. Please don’t leave your trash around for someone else to have to discard. 
  5. Please don’t leave your dirty dishes all over the house. 
  6. Please don’t look like a filthy slob all the time.  It may have been great when you were a frat boy.  It is soooo NOT cool now. 
  7. Please don’t leave “accidents” outside of the toilet bowl.  That’s what the brush next to the toilet is for. 
  8. Please don’t sit there at the table, like a giant lump of lard, chugging beer and burping.
  9. Do not pee in the front yard.
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