More Questions for the Universe

  1. Why, with all the massive technology at our
    disposal is it utterly and completely impossible to make a “feminine
    pad” that says in place and doesn’t stick to my butt?
  2. If you’re trying to raise awareness for breast cancer, why
    not sell pink bras?  Surely the “target audience” for your message will
    be the same people who still need a bra. 
  3. Why is it that women’s clothing never seems to have
    pockets?  We carry more stuff than most men, including their crap, yet
    have less places to put it.
  4. While we’re on the subject of
    women’s clothing, let’s talk about women’s winter clothing.  Men get
    nice warm winter clothing – things like flannel, wool, polyfleece. 
    What do we get?  Some loosely knit sweater that’s “fashionable” and a
    thin, clingy pair of pants.  And we still don’t have any d@%% pockets!
  5. Let’s
    talk about women’s summer clothing too.  What do we get, in a place
    where the summer time tempratures routinely exceed 100 degrees
    Farenheit?  Dark colored, synthetic fabric suits and panty hose.  What
    %^$# moron thought that was good idea?  You may as well seal yourself
    up in a zip-loc bag. 
  6. Doesn’t the fact that Lance
    Armstrong has his ummm-hmmm’s removed mean he’s had unfair advantage in
    bicycle racing (e.g. pressure from those tiny racing seats)?
  7. Why do men, who never carry a purse, always want us to put
    all of their crap in our purse?  Shouldn’t we make them get their own? 
    I mean, what else are fanny packs good for?  Worse still, once we’ve
    conviently stowed all their crap, like the good little pack mules we
    are, they make fun of us for carrying a big, honking purse.  Go Figure!
  8. About that stupid mammogram – if men had to undergo a test
    where their ummm-hmmm’s were smashed flat and then photographed from
    two directions, you can bet your bottom dollar they’d find a new way to
    do the test. 
  9. One upside about being female – if you ever want to change
    the subject suddenly, end an uncomfortable conversation, or just get a
    day off work (provided the other participant is male), just mention
    something associated with your period.  The more graphic the better. 
    If you really want to do this right, just mention it and then sprint
    for the ladies room.  My observation is that a man who can nearly sever
    his thumb with a band saw and then insist he doesn’t need to go to the
    emergency room, will at the merest mention of your period, get pale and
    nearly collapse. 
  10. While we’re on the subject of men, does anyone have a reason
    why a man who will buy condoms won’t buy a box of tampons?  Surely any
    sensible person knows that sooner or later, if you need one, you’re
    gonna need the other.  Unless, of course, what you snuggle up doesn’t
    have a cycle. 
  11. Why are the most macho of men drawn to the gayest sport
    around?  I know you know what I mean – football. Seriously, what could
    be gayer than 22 guys in spandex pants, smacking each other on the
    butt, tackling each other and then showering together afterward?  Don’t even get me started on that thing they when they hike the football.  I mean, which ball is he reaching for anyway?
  12. Why
    is it that men, who think football isn’t gay, think that ballet is gay?
      Football involves 22 guys tackling each other and smacking each other
    on the butt.  Ballet is one guy dancing with a lot of women. 
  13. Why
    is it that men complain bitterly about having to go see a “chick flick”
    but they’re perfectly content to sit in front of the TV and watch other
    men drive around in a circle (NASCAR)?
  14. Why is it that the
    stupidest people end up on TV?  American’s Funniest Videos, Jerry
    Springer, I Shouldn’t Be Alive, Survivor, American Idol, Big
    Brother…  The list goes on for ever.  It seems if you’re a really
    gianormous dumba$$ your odds of getting on TV go up exponentially.
  15. Why
    are we buying oil from the middle eastern countries who sponsor
    terrorists?  One of the basic rules of warfare is that you do not fund
    those you are fighting.  DUH!
  16. Why on earth would you put braille on a drive-thru menu???
  17. Why
    in the world do they think it’s a good idea to give the blindest people
    around the most difficult thing in the world to find?  You know what
    I’m talking about….the contact lens.  You drop that thing and, if you
    are like me, you need another pair of contacts to find the one you just
  18. Why do they put the adjusters for bra straps in the back?
  19. It has been pointed out to me that football isn’t the only gay sport.  Boxing is also pretty gay.  You wear silk pajamas, a silk robe, and boots with tassels. Your equipment includes a cup, a mouthpiece and some gloves.  You get into a ring for a few rounds of swinging with another guy.    Then – your prize is a purse and a belt.  I guess the belt and the purse should match the gloves?
  20. This is from a poster – If you aren’t supposed to drink and drive, why do they have drive through beer stores?


3 thoughts on “More Questions for the Universe

  1. All wonderul questions….  i am quite curious about the braille at a drive thru menu…. kinda reminds me of the drive thru beer store..perfect for the drunk driver on the go!!!  ha
    and.. although I refer to the movie deliverance quite alot.. i have never seen it.. I am afraid I might see a relative as an extra!!! HAHAHAHAHAAHAH

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