I’ve decided to continue on my reform binge and start reforming criminal law. If we lived in my world, here’s how it would work. Twenty percent of the population is responsbile for 80% of the crime. We’ve tried to rehabilitate these people and so far they’ve proved pretty resistant. 96% of all sex offenders re-offend within 5 years of release. That means that for ever sex offender released, there’s a near certainty that person will ruin another life within 5 years. How are we still releasing these people?
If you are convicted of any violent crime, you get an automatic death penalty. This includes kidnapping, rape, armed robbery, aggravated assault, and murder. The theory here is that if you can’t play well with the rest of us, your recess pass gets revoked. Furthermore, if you’re old enough to commit the crime, you’re old enough to be tried as an adult and sentenced as an adult. Don’t want to die…don’t do it.
If you commit property crime, such as theft, vandalism, burglary, or stealing a car, you will be required to make restitution for the property and/or any damages. Your jail sentence lasts until you are able to make full reparations or the end of your minimum sentence, which ever is longer. Each offense should double the minimum sentence. For example, if you commit theft under $200, your second offence would be 1 year and your third would be 2 years.
Under $200 – 6 months in jail, first offence
$201 – $500 – 1 year in jail, first offense
$500 – $1000 – 3 years in jail, first offense
$1000 and up – 5 years, first offense
Much like my welfare reform, you get to work instead of watching TV and working out. If you are a child, your parents are required to make restitution. If they have to pay, perhaps they’ll keep a better eye on their kids. If the child cannot be controlled they can always make them an emancipated minor. In addition, you will have the nature of your crime tattoed on your forehead. The letters must be at least 2 inches tall and cannot be removed for a period of 10 years after your release.
Marajuana would be legalized and taxed like tobacco. Possession of more than one ounce any other drug will result in a tatoo that says “Drug Dealer”, seizure of all assets and possessions (cars, houses, boats, businesses, bank accounts, you name it), as well as life in prison. Possesion of less than an ouce will result in a tatoo that says “Junkie”, seizure of all assets and possesions, as well as 10 years in prison and a mandatory rehab program.
Once again, the tatoo must be in letters 2 inches tall and cannot be removed for a period of 10 years after your release.
The concealed carry law would become Federal law. All adult citizens would be required to take the CHL class. Anyone passing the test would be issued a side arm. Anyone caught carrying a gun or knife illegally would be subject to 1 year in jail for a first offense.
Anyone caught driving under the influcence would have their driver’s license permanent revoked, their car seized, and be subject to 1 year in jail. Anyone caught DUI a second time gets a tatoo, “DUI” on their forehead, a $10,000 fine, and 2 years in jail.
If you flee to avoid prosecution, your sentence is automatically tripled. If you would have had a 6 month sentence, it just became 18 months.
Obstruction of justice shall carry the same penalty as the crime itself. For example, if you obstruct justice in a murder case, you are also subject to the death penalty. If you obstruct justice in theft case where the theft is under $200, you are subject to 6 months in jail as well as restitution.
Prostitution would be legalized but restricted to specific districts. The religious right can bite me on this one. Anyone engaged in prostituion would be required to show a license with a photo and a thumb print on it. Monthly medical exams and AIDS tests would be required. Prostitutes would be required to supply a condom to each customer. Using the condom might be another matter. I know that I don’t really want check. The income would be taxed.
Gambling would be legalized but restricted to specific districts. Refer to the Nevada Gaming Regulations on this one. They’ve worked out a good model for it. Why re-invent the wheel?
Porn is legal so long as everyone involved is a consenting adult. he religious right can bite me on this one, too. It may be required to be sold in plain brown or black wrappers, but so is Hustler. If they aren’t consenting or they aren’t adults, see the section about violent crime.