Plastic In-DUH-viduals

You know that identity theft is completely out of hand when:

  • When you get your credit report and its 16 pages long because three people, including a guy from Guatamala have been using your identity
    • I bear no resemblance to a Hispanic male, so I find this to be particulary amusing when they tell me “The card was used here (meaning in Guatamala) by you.”  but the video shows a Hispanic man. 
    • I’ve never been to Guatamala nor do I feel an espeically overwhelming need to visit.  Although, I might need to if anything else shows up on my credit report from Guatamala.
    • To Mr. Guatamala – Grow some huevos and get your credit card!
  • When credit card companies start automatically reissuing your card completely without warning
    • I got to lunch and eat, but when I go to pay, my card doesn’t work.  Since I have no cash, I’m kinda stuck.  Fortunately for me, my friends ponied up so I didn’t get stuck washing dishes.  Still, you’d think that they’d bother to tell you, “Hey, we’ll be turning your credit card off.”  instead of letting me find out that “Hey!  They’ve turned my f&@#%$* credit card off!”
    • I call the credit card company to see why the magic bit of plastic has ceased to function and I am told by a polite but stupid girl, “You asked for it be reissued.” 
    • I give up trying to explain that I didn’t ask for anything to be ressissued after the fifth attempt.  I don’t know if  she didn’t understand  English  or if  she’s  just not the sharpest crayon in the box.
    • I find out three days later in a snail mail letter that they reissued it because a database somewhere got compromised.  The letter arrives two days *after* the new credit card.
  • When states like Alabama have a maximum fine of $500 for the crime of identity theft
    • How much of a “crime” is it really when your fine costs less than your car?
    • Or when your bail is less than your beer budget?
    • I guess they don’t think you’re going to steal your sister/mother/wife’s identity or perhaps the thought is that you’ll be too inbred and idiotic to figure out what to do with it once you’ve gotten it?  I’m not really sure what the state of Alabama is thinking on that one.  In any event, I’d suggest that they stiffen the penalties. 
  • When an officer investigating identity theft finds that his identity is one of the ones that’s been stolen.
    • Yes, for once, perhaps justice will be served!

That’s right – an officer here working as part of a North Texas task force on identity theft (which is a felony here, BTW), found some of his own information amongst the identites that had been stolen or were about to be when this ring was busted.  Now, I’m not exactly a criminal mastermind, but I think it goes without saying that you don’t take the policeman’s doughnut and you don’t take his identitity.