Male to Female Translator

Man-speak “It’s a good movie.”
Woman-speak “It’s got boobs, beer, guns, and stuff blows up.”

Man-speak “I can’t find it.”
Woman-speak “I didn’t trip over it on my way to find you.”

Man-speak “I’m going hunting.”
Woman-speak “I’m going out to the woods with my buddies so I can drink myself into a stupor and shoot at anything that moves.”

Man-speak “I’m going out with the guys.”
Woman-speak “You’ll need to pick me up at the bar later.”

Man-speak “No, that doesn’t make you look fat.”
Woman-speak “OMFG!  You look like a freakin’ walrus and I’m going to have to protect you from men with harpoons!”

Man-speak “I missed you.”
Woman-speak “We’re out of groceries, toilet paper, and beer.”

Man-speak “We’ll go somewhere nice.”
Woman-speak “We’ll go somewhere that doesn’t have a drive-thru.”

Man-speak “I’ll be home in five minutes.”
Woman-speak “I’ll need you to pick me up at the bar at 3 a.m.”

Man-speak “I’m going to the beer store.  I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Woman-speak, “I’ll be back after I’ve emptied the checking account out on beer, nudie mags, and lottery tickets.”

The one below is tricky since it can have several meanings.  Learning to tell which one applies is the real talent.

Man-speak “I love you.”
Woman-speak 1- “Will you have sex with me ?”
Woman-speak 2 – “I’ve done something bad and I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
Woman-speak 3 – “Can I have some money?”
Woman-speak 4 – “I love you.”


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