Contact Lenses

Will someone please explain to me why manufacturers give the blindest people on the planet something that’s nearly impossible to see?  I am referring, of course, to that ubiquitous vision correcting device, the contact lens.  God bless the inventors of contacts because they have saved me from giant coke bottle lenses on my glasses.  Seriously, you know you can’t see when the opthamologist asks you to read the eye chart and you have to look around the room for it until he switches the backlight in it on.  Then you realize that he’s been standing next it the whole time.   

Given my previous diatribe about the state of art in feminine necessities (you’ll have to dig back to my second post for that one), the same thing applies to contacts.  In a world where we have sent a man to the moon, a rocket to Venus, a rover to Mars, we film the bottom of the ocean, and my cell phone will let me talk to a friend literally on the other side of the planet, why can they not create a corrective lens that I can find when I drop it ?

Noooooo….we’re much to smart to do something useful like that.  Instead, we have people creating ridiculous crap like the Vipon, Umbrella Hats, the rotating ice cream cone, and whole host of other lame, useless gizmos.  I have a challenge for all you would-be supergeniuses out there.  I’ve put some thought into this while hovering over the bathroom sink, carefully touching every drop of water to see if that’s my contact lens.  Since the lens isn’t in my eye, it’s going to dry out.  Create a contact lens that will turn a color, preferably not yellow, if it starts to dry out.  That way, I’ll be able to tell my thrice-damnned contact lens from the water droplets on my bathroom counter. 


2 thoughts on “Contact Lenses

  1. You could save yourself the trouble and have corrective eye surgery done. It may not be the cheapest thing around, but it’s a hell of a lot simpler than dealing with contacts or glasses.Brian

  2. The VIPON????  Damn, and I just HAD to go have a stupid Hysterectomy!!!  Why didn’t you mention this device sooner?  Keeping it all to yourself, huh???

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