I like to rock climb so I go to hang out with one of my friends in Austin. She tells me that there’s this awesome cliff face that we need to go climb. She gets her boyfriend and some of his friends to go with us. So we pack up and head out there. We’re all geared up for this climb and hiking up to the rock face, when this rather pruny elderly gentleman comes running up the path wearing a sweat band, sunglasses, a t-shirt and his jogging shoes. Notice an item missing????
I look because it’s not everday you see Grandpa Jones without his pants. I think to myself, “Pervert” and keep walking. Hey, I’ve got things in my day pack that can do serious damage to rock. I should be able to handle an 80-year old man with no pants. Besides, the guys are with us and no one is really reacting to the sight. Since men are wierd about this (see the blog entry about bathroom habits), I assume is some penis-based strangeness about encountering another man naked and let it go.
About that time, a herd of rather obese naked women come around a bend in the trail and seem to be chasing Grandpa. I think to myself, “No wonder he’s running….” Since the fat women don’t seem to be interested in us (I guess we’re not donut shaped or fried chicken shaped enough to draw their attention), I shrug and keep going. Those gals look pretty out of breath. Grandpa ought to be able to get away.
No sooner than the fat women get out of sight, we get around a bend in the trail only to encounter a herd of even fatter men, who appear to be chasing after the women. I shrug and keep walking thinking to myself, “Gah! No wonder they’re chasing Grandpa.” Personally, I have a hard time imagining anything that’s less attractive than a sumo-eqsue physique on a short man who has not aged well. Since we don’t seem to be attracting any attention or be in danger of being consumed as a mid-afternoon snack, we keep walking.
We keep walking and we finally get to the cliff face. We get to the top and all of the guys rush over to the opposite edge of the cliff. I wander up to see what the big attraction is…it’s a “clothing optional” beach. All I can see are 300 lb bodies glistening with sun tan oil, laying on the beach. I look at my friend, “Look – Walrus!”. One of the guys with us gets mad, “Hey, my girl friend is down there! They’re not all walrus.” So I look again, “Ok, I see a few that aren’t walrus. Which one is yours?” He nods, “See that rock….she’s third one over.” I turn around and look at him, “Dude, that’s almost a half a mile away from here. If you can see her from here, she’s a walrus.” That comment made for a long silent walk back to the car….
Moral of the story: The people who want to be nude are NEVER the people you want see nude.